So, you see her, she has something special about her, let’s be honest, something a bit dangerous. She has swagger, swagger like a pirate. There is something slightly masculine in the way she uses her walk but the body (that you can see) is uber-feminine. It’s precisely these seemingly at odds characteristics that are so scary and equally passion inducing. A few weeks in and the sexual undertow is still pulling you under and you don’t really care what comes out of her mouth, lies or truth, more likely half-truths and the sins of omission. She has begun to disappear to see friends, visit her mother or to make merit. She comes home drunk at 3am one day and says she met some friends. She will be ultra cute and probably fuck like a drunken Godzilla and more she will be deeply hurt (real or fake, you’ll never know) if you get angry. Drinking, drugs, partying and piratical tendencies ( wanting gold, money, trying to meet customers) emerge more and more and Brother, you realise you may be in trouble. At this stage you are not even sure what kind of trouble could be heading your way.
Culture, that nebulous constellation of smoky vapour that you just can’t seem to see through will obscure your vision from any reasonable form of the truth, and there are many forms in Bangkok. How could you make clear decisions when you may have only been Thaiside for a month or three?
What is the solution?: If it’s not too late do this. Decide that this crazy girl is just gonna be an exciting episode in your life that will be great fun and an experience that you will learn from. Even as I write this I have a tiny pang in my heart because I remember that I could never have done that. I was in the deep end of the pool, drowning not waving and if that’s you then you could try this: Take some advice from Lady Macbeth and — Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
That no compunctious visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between
The effect and it! In other words-do not let pity, love or tenderness shake you from the action you must take. Tell her to go. Tell her you love/care for her BUT her behaviour is not that of a girlfriend that you can accept. Tell her she must go now. Or lock her out and tell her on the phone or move hotels if you are staying in a hotel. Give her hope. “If you can change; stop disappearing, stop smoking ice, stop partying, stop lying to me, maybe we can try again. We can talk by phone but I don’t want to see you again if you cannot change.
You will be miserable and you may not see her again but it has to be done if you cannot reconcile her behaviour with your lifestyle and few of us can. She may come back but I guess it’s an action you will have to repeat because she is just not mature enough to grasp the reality that living with another person requires unselfishness and consideration. Maybe in time, maybe not.