I was playing with a deck of cards recently and was inspired by the idea that each of the cards represents a type of person you may find in Thailand. These are stereotypes, of course but fun, nevertheless.
Jack of Hearts
The Jack of Hearts is like the many young, farm fresh ladyboys or girls arriving in Bangkok or Pattaya (if they are unlucky) and naively expecting the first foreign guy that takes her from the bar to become her boyfriend. Two lovely ladyboys told me they believed this in all earnestness.
The Jack of hearts can go either way, towards the light or dark, becoming the Queen of Hearts or of Diamonds/Clubs, depending on her experiences.
Jack of Diamonds
A thieving hooker. Lots can be found riding motorcycles around on Samui island where they delight in stealing a man’s possessions when he’s in the shower. Laptops, iPads, watches, mobile phones all get sold on, usually to fund a crack habit. You can also encounter them along Sukhumvit Road where they will snatch off your gold chain before you can say, ‘how much, short time?”
Queen of Hearts
The Queen of Hearts is always the best bet.
She understands foreign men and likes them.
She’s looking for love and a home life.
Her job or her past are almost immaterial in terms of her future with you. She is hard to find and that’s why we may spend a long time playing, “Find the Lady”
Queen of Diamonds
She’ll beat you when she’s able.
She will say things like, “I can’t eat love”.
She is a money focused hooker or a materialistic professional girlfriend. She will be an “edok tong” a golddigger. She may be beautiful and often entitled. she may be average looking but will still expect to be treated like a princess. She will bear no reflection on the price she asks for her services. She will imagine anyone who chooses not to pay 5,000 baht for her company is a “keenok farang” Not necessarily a bad egg but someone who is not girlfriend material unless you are among the wealthiest of men. She can sometimes have a heart as hard as the diamonds she admires.
King of Hearts
The soft guys who write soppy comments the Facebook pages of ladyboy hookers they have never met. Love-struck like boys fawning over the first bit of pussy they have ever smelt. Desperate to get laid They respect other cultures, even savage ones. They are often feminists in an effort to get a girlfriend. No real values of their own. They can be the creepy stalkers of this world or the nerdy, overweight soft lads of Europe and America. Don’t be the King of Hearts. Romance and Love are fine phenomenon but restraint, dignity and assertiveness need to be driving.
This guys is almost destined to buy land or property in their girlfriend’s name and when he is surplus to requirements, find himself homeless!
Desperation and lack of ‘game’. The hover hand!
I trust her with my money!
No chance of that!
King of Diamonds
Too mean and scared of being made the fool to ever take a chance.
Applies the Rules without exception!
The ultimate Cheap Charlie or “Farang Kee Nok”!
King of Clubs
The culturally incurious sex-tourist who starts drinking at 11am and does not stop all day. They may have been coming to Thailand for years but know nothing about the country or it’s people as they have spent most of their holidays or expat life in Pattaya. Is either drunk or recounting just how drunk he was last night with others just like him. He does not really attempt to speak Thai or understand the back stories of the whores he inflicts himself on. Behaves like a lecherous teenager with zero manners or ‘grace’. He’s convinced Thai people love him.
Ubu Roi-The fabled handsum man!
King of Spades
He’s the man. He is energetic, positive and generous, but not foolish. Tolerant but has drawn a line in the sand. Takes people at ‘face value’ as long as he does not have to stake his life on them. Being like a combination of these dudes is something to strive for!